"Who are You Pleasing?" and "The Power of the First Impression."

Dear Moms,

We hope this finds you all well and ready to tackle your busy week!  We missed each of you at last week’s MOPS meeting, and hope that you will all come to our next meeting on Thursday, February 21^st.

Judy’s Devotional centered on Hebrews 11:5-6
By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that did not experience death;  he could not be found, because God had taken him away.  For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God.  And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Who are YOU pleasing?

-          We, as women, have so many people in our lives to please:  husbands, friends, children, and ourselves.

-          We, as mothers, have to be deliberate and thoughtful for what is RIGHT

-          The world tells us contradictory messages;  that all we need is more money, clothes, and prestige.  All we really need to believe if we are pleasing the world, then we are DISPLEASING ourselves.  This will only bring us MUCH UNHAPPINESS.

John 8:29

(Jesus speaking)
“The one who sent me is with me;  he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him.”

-          Jesus is ALWAYS with us;  even when we are being ugly, gossiping or coveting.  LOOK to please our savior, STRIVE to please God.

-          If you do not know what a Christian life looks like, look to our mentors (God fearing women), or other godly people…OR

-          Maybe at one point in your life you knew what a Christian life looked like (youth group participation), lets go BACK TO IT.  Get back to you knowing who you are here to please

 

Matthew 11:28-30
(Jesus speaking)
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

-          GET BACK into fellowship with HIM. 

-          If you are “weary and burdened,” go to Jesus and find REST for your souls.

 

Psalms 37:4

Delight yourself in the Lord
    And he will give you the desires of
          Your heart.

-          Love is FIRST

-          Don’t chase the desires of the world, delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires in your heart!

 

Millie Tanner, LPC, made a return appearance to our MOPS group to talk about the “Conversations to have with Our Preschoolers.”

Before, we understand how to communicate with our little ones (ages 3-6), Ms. Tanner explained how our preschoolers look and think about the world around them.  They are in what Piaget describes as the PREOPERATIONAL STAGE:

-          They LOVE looking and exploring

-          Are concrete thinkers;  the HERE AND NOW, what they can see, touch or smell

-          Egocentric- they don’t understand what you experience is what they experience

-          Love make believe and pretend

I.                     The Investment

a.       Teaching our children now how to have more complicated or mature conversations in the future is like building up a bank account.  You may find yourself having to withdraw from it later on, as you now are depositing for the future.

b.      We want to communicate using the 5 A’s (affection, attention, acceptance, appreciation and approval)

c.       We communicate using verbal and nonverbal language

                                                               i.      Reactions are important!  Body language is just as important as words

                                                             ii.      Communicating through avoidance indicates we are talking about something scary, or to be fearful

d.      We communicate to help with relationships later in life (if they themselves know how to communicate… especially with boys, helping them to talk)

 

II.                  The Interaction

a.       Think concretely- ask your child for clarification to their question.  Give them a clear 30 second answer!  This is what they can understand and handle

b.      Know your child- parents know their kids;  what they can handle, what is age appropriate.

c.       Be approachable- DON’T DODGE questions, it’s OK to say “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” 

                                                               i.      Talk with your child (not at)

                                                             ii.      Listen attentively (turn off your phone, TV, computer)

                                                            iii.      Validate your child’s feelings “I know you are sad.” 

                                                           iv.      Speak over your children…speak truth, pray over them

d.      YOU want to be the one your kids approach..”THE POWER OF THE FIRST IMPRESSION” is to give them the RIGHT information FIRST.  Don’t let your children’s friends/peers give them information before you.

 

III.                The ISSUES

                                                               i.      Never present an issue to a child without framing it in a value (biblical).

                                                             ii.      Don’t’ make topics taboo

 

IV.                DEATH

a.       Processing Grief

                                                               i.      Children process grief differently

                                                             ii.      They do it in bite size chunks;  i.e. they are fine one moment, and in the next they are clingly, having bathroom accidents.  It can look like ”bad behavior.”

b.      Magical Thinking

                                                               i.      Children often see death as temporary and reversible

                                                             ii.      BE HONEST and tell them death is FINAL;  they will NOT LIVE AGAIN as preschoolers do not understand time.

c.       Personalizing Death

                                                               i.      Sometimes children think they are going to die.  Tell them they will not die when they go to slee.

                                                             ii.      Be honest and real.  Keep answers brief and simple.  Death means you do NOT sleep, you DO NOT eat, etc.  SPELL IT OUT.  Remember, they are concrete thinkers.

d.      Keeping it real- honesty

                                                               i.      Explaining tragedies in the world—keep it simple, open with the facts.  If YOU CAN SHIELD THEM, DO IT.

1.       As your children go to school, they will often hear about news, so you should have a conversation about it.

2.       If your child is between the ages of 2-4, you want them to be reassured they are safe, but older kids need more information…there is not always a happy Disney ending to life’s events (i.e. death of a sick family pet).

V.                  SEX

a.       Our generation is changing how we talk to our children about sex

b.      You want your kids to think you are the EXPERT

c.       A ONE TIME TALK IS NOT ENOUGH

d.      How do I begin?

                                                               i.      Know your child before you initiate a “conversation”

                                                             ii.      Bath time is generally a good time to start talking about their “private parts.”  As they get older, you can use proper anatomical names in place of the generic “private parts.”

e.      What do I say?

                                                               i.      “Where do babies come from?”—YOUR reaction is IMPORTANT!!! Give simple information;  i.e.  when mommy and daddy love each other, God put’s a baby in mommy’s tummy. 

                                                             ii.      GET EDUCATED FIRST before you have a conversation.  The Chicken’s Guide to talking Turkey with your Kids is a great book and resource for this very topic!

                                                            iii.      Research indicates, the more information you give kids the less likely they are to experiment sexually.

f.        How do I keep my child safe?

                                                               i.      Teach them proper versus improper touching;  i.e.  touching “private parts” is appropriate during bath by mom or dad, but not at any other time by anyone else!

 

It is never too early to start TALKING to your child or infant!  Be the person your child comes to FIRST with any questions they may have;  enable “The Power of the First Impression” with your children.  Keep it simple and short.  Understand what they understand now, at this stage in their life.  Remember, you will draw from the bank account you open up later on down the road, so make those deposits count, and keep your conversations flowing!

Have a blessed week, and see you all at our next MOPS meeting!

Debra Bochow

Discussion Group Coordinator

It's Marvin MOPS Week- Meeting on February 7th

Good Evening Moms,

I hope you have all had a fantastic weekend with your families!   The new year is in full swing, and getting busier!  Don't forget, our next meeting is this Thursday, February 7th at 10 a.m.  We are looking forward to welcoming back Ms. Millie Tanner from Green Acres Church speak on “Conversations to have with Your Children.”  It is never too early to begin thinking about the many topics and talks we will have with our kids that will have life impacting influence.

If you will be using childcare, also known as our MOPPETS program, you may bring your children to the childcare rooms which are located on the first floor. There will be a sign to direct you. If your children are not coming, and you are signed up for childcare, it is important that you contact Stephanie Lamb, our MOPPETS Coordinator, to let her know: steph.lamb@sbcglobal.net, or 903-363-7447. This affects how many volunteers/workers/rooms we need.

Some additional important reminders about our MOPPETS program:

- Please LABEL ALL of your child's belongings (sippy cups, pacifiers, etc.)

- Please DO NOT bring your child if he./she shows ANY signs of illness. Please refer to the "MOPPETS Guidelines" for further instruction

- Drop off time is 9:50-10 a.m. before the meeting. Please pick up your children promptly by noon to be courteous of the MOPPETS staff

 

THURSDAY MEETING REMINDERS:

1.     The ORANGE table will bring food/drinks

2.     Please arrive promptly at 10 a,m.  We will begin the meeting at 10:15 a.m. to allow for maximum devotional, table and speaker time.

3.     Spring Semester Dues will be collected ($50 with childcare;  $30 without childcare).  Checks are payable to "Marvin MOPS"

4.     Please bring any items for our 2013 service project to support teenage girls that are represented by CASA. Items such as cosmetic samples, scented soaps, lotions, etc.

5.     Start planning your TABLE NIGHT OUT... get to know the mom/mentor sitting next to you in a fun and relaxed setting.  This is your time to make the most of the connections you have made!

UPCOMING MOPS EVENTS:

- Tuesday, February 19^th - MOPS Playdate at Rose Heights Church CLC, Preschool Playroom 10 a.m.-12 noon.

And lastly, despite the stormy weather, we had a FABULOUS turnout and kick off to our semester at Zaza’s last Tuesday night!  The energy, talking and fellowship were awesome!  MARK your calendars for our next night out on Tuesday, February 26^th at Chuy’s at 6:30 p.m. 

I hope to see you all on Thursday!

Have a wonderful and blessed week,

Debra Bochow

Discussion Group Coordinator

Be Good to Yourself..MOPS Minutes from 1/24/13

Dear Moms,

We missed each of you at our last MOPS meeting.  It was a very full and engaging time of reminders of God’s love and his great and glorious inheritance for us who believe in gratitude. 

As we start the new calendar year, many of us may have put to paper a summary/list of objectives or accomplishments for ourselves, children or family to meet.   With all good intentions for improvement or betterment, we may have some areas in our lives that we feel the need to improve.  As easy it is for us to see our own deficiencies or shortcomings, each of us really is PERFECT. 

As you read the following, Psalms 139, please put yourself in the verses:

O Lord, you have searched me

                And you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

                You perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying

                Down;

 you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

                You know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in- behind and before;

                You have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for

                Me,

  Too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
                Where can I flee from your

                                Presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

                If I make my bed in the depths, you

                                Are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

                If I settle on the far side of the sea,

Even there your hand will guide me,

                Your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide

                                Me

                And the light become night around

                                Me,”

Even the darkness will not be dark to

                                You;

                The night will shine like the day,

                For darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

                You knit me together in my mother’s

                                Womb.

If I praise you because I am fearfully and
                                Wonderfully made;

                Your works are wonderful,

                I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

                When I was made in the secret

                                Place.

When I was woven together in the

                                Depths of the earth,

                Your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

                Were written in your bood

                Before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your

                                Thoughts, O God!
                How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
                They would outnumber the grains of
                                Sand.
When I awake,
                I am still with you.

 If only you would slay the wicked,

                               O God!
                Away from me, you bloodthirsty

                                Men!

They speak of you with evil intent,
                Your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you,
                                O Lord,
                And abhor those who rise up against
                                You?
I have nothing but hatred for htem;
                I count them  my enemies.

 Search me, O God, and know my heart;

               Test me and know my anxious
                                Thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
                And lead me in the way everlasting.

 In God’s eyes, we are PERFECTION.  In our daily lives, we are so busy… being wives, mothers, working mothers, cooking meals, doing laundry, running a household, and at times we become down on ourselves, BUT the person you have been created to be is GREAT!  SO much thought and concern was put into our creations, “we are beautiful and carefully, deliberately and wonderfully made!”   We are perfection made by the greatest creator of all! BE GOOD TO YOURSELF! 

THE SECRET TO THROWING AWAY A PERFECTLY GOOD LIFE…

“The Devastating Impact of ENVY”

 Ken Brumley, GABC Minister of Marriage and Families, shared a powerful message of how the “Act of Envy” can destroy the self, families and innocence all around us.  It’s the most subtle and terrifying sin you will struggle with in your life! 

Envy is a resentful emotion that occurs when a person lacks another's perceived superior power, possession or position OR wishing the other person lacked it.  If we are being honest with ourselves, Envy is something we have all struggled with at some point in our lives.  Ken Brumley explained to us today how destructive envy can be to you, your husband and children. 

James 3:16....For where you have Envy and selfish ambition - there you will find disorder and EVERY evil practice.

Ken Broke down ENVY into four areas of destruction:

A.      It destroys personal growth.  Envy is born in the heart of comparison.  When we focus on our differences we are constantly comparing.  It could be about  anything...neighborhoods, cars, husbands, schools!  He said that the destruction of personal growth is not the fact that we Envy others, but the extent we will go to be envied!

B.      It destroys personal relationships.  Ken explained that women are "carries of life."  We feel more responsible in and for relationships, therefore we often find our identity and self worth through relationships.  Envy can often times make women feel isolated or disconnected from their friends and husbands.

1.  THOUGHTS FOR WOMEN:  TWO Generational Wounds

GENESIS 3:16
To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;  with painful labor you will give birth to children.  Your desire (longing) will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

a.                           You are the “Carrier of Life”  Whether you ever bear a child or not, you will instinctively feel the weight of being MORE RESPONSIBLE IN and FOR a relationship (The success or failure)…NOT SO with men.

b.                           A woman will most often find her identity and sense of worth through relationships…NOT SO with men.

c.                            You will be highly sensitive to the feelings of disconnection, isolation or aloneness

THE ROLE OF ENVY in Women’s Lives:

1.       Without an understanding concerning being a “carrier” of life/relationship, women can begin to live with a low grade anger that keeps them continually dissatisfied with all relationships.

2.       They will often find themselves caught in the perpetual cycle of comparing intimacy, respect and value in other relationships and the deficit in theirs.

3.       They will unfairly question their inner and outer beauty with unrealistic comparisons.

 

2.  THOUGHTS FOR MEN:  Throughout a man’s life, he will struggle with the FRUSTRATIONS of trying to succeed or trying not to fail and the ANGST that comes from being unable to fix, change or undo his circumstance or situation.

In a marriage or relationship, the man and woman will not place the same value on the same ideals.  Women will always work harder on the relationship and communication, while men are primarily concerned with succeeding, trying not to fail.  This extends to beyond what he does for “work” outside of the home… this applies to inside the home (chores, maintenance, and sex) as well.  If we criticize or deny our husbands recognition for their work, we are destroying what is at their core and enabling for their greatest fears to become reality;  to be a failure.  Envy will invite men to seek ways to escape or distract themselves from the pressure of being responsible or the fear of failure;  i.e. other relationships.

C.It destroys spiritual growth - When we envy what others possess, we need to understand the statement it makes about God's sufficiency, calling and desires.  Envy is so powerful, it eliminates all evidence of the fruit of the spirit.

 D.  It destroys Ministry - So often we get caught up in seeking recognition from our peers that we look past the opportunities we have to serve.  We are so preoccupied by comparing ourselves to others that we fail to find our own unique calling, focusing more on succeeding rather than serving the Lord.

Our focus in life should be to THANK GOD for what we do have, instead of focusing on what others have or don’t have.   Trusting God means we must relinquish our need for knowing and controlling all things. 

 Eph. 1:18-20...I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of HIS glorious inheritance in the saints and HIS incomparable great power for us who believe.  

We could all live fuller and happier lives if we truly believe that what we currently have “ IS ALL I NEED.”

Our next MOPS meeting is Thursday, February 7^th.  I hope to see you all there!

Have a blessed week,

Debra Bochow

Discussion Group Coordinator

Being Optimistic...MOPS Meeting Notes 1/17/13

Hello Moms,

We missed each of you at our first meeting of the new year, and are excited about seeing you this week at our next meeting;  Thursday, January 24^th at 10 a.m.  The morning’s activities were centered around reconnecting with old friends, and connecting with new table moms, table leaders and mentors.   Fun, interactive and inquisitive games were played so we could quickly get snapshots of each person… who likes sushi?, who is an only child?, who has a dog?, who can name all of the Golden Girls on TV?, etc.   As you can imagine, we have a very DIVERSE group of women who have come together for such a practical but meaningful purpose! 

As we always do, Judy Carter opened our meeting with prayer requests, and with her weekly devotional.   She felt called to speak to us about “Being Optimistic.”  We need to be a POSITIVE influence for our children and household.   As we all know, our lives are full, and not always easy.  

In John 16:33, we read

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”

And in Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God has great plans for US!  It is OUR choice to be positive.  As a mother and wife, we need to pick the good choice, and be optimistic for we have hope and a great future in God!

Other supportive scripture that can lift us in times of burden, or strife:

 

1.       Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 

2.       Joshua 1:5, 9

No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life.  As I was with Moses, so I will be with you;  I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

 

      3.       Philippians 4:4

Rejoicein the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!

In your darkest and hardest of times,  God will never leave you or forsake you.  Take joy and pride in that.  The Peace of God is joyful and will sustain you through hardship!

So in 2013, think about your attitude, and how you confront hardship.  It is your choice to show your children that God has GREAT plans for you and your family.  Make it your choice to believe in hope and in your future!

Happy New Year Everyone!

Debra Bochow
Discussion Group Coordinator

It's MARVIN MOPS Week! Meeting THIS THURSDAY, January 24th at 10 a.m.

Good Morning Moms,

2013 is off to an excellent and exciting start! We kicked off the new year with a packed room filled with new and returning friends and opportunities to to make and deepen connections that were made in the fall semester. Thanks to Sarah, Sherry and Judy for setting the groundwork for a productive and meaningful new year!

Don't forget, our next meeting is this Thursday, January 24th at 10 a.m. We are looking forward to welcoming and listening to Mr. Ken Brumley from Green Acres Church speak on "Envy." It is a topic that WE ALL can relate to and have felt at some point in our lives. We hope you come with open and honest hearts and engage in an important discussion about how we can understand and improve ourselves.

If you will be using childcare, also know as our MOPPETS program, you may bring your children to the childcare rooms which are located on the first floor. There will be a sign to direct you. If your children are not coming, and you are signed up for childcare, it is important that you contact Stephanie Lamb, our MOPPETS Coordinator, to let her know: steph.lamb@sbcglobal.net, or 903-363-7447. This affects how many volunteers/workers/rooms we need.

 

Some additional important reminders about our MOPPETS program:

- Please LABEL ALL of your child's belongings (sippy cups, pacifiers, etc.)

- Please DO NOT bring your child if he./she shows ANY signs of illness. Please refer to the "MOPPETS Guidelines" for further instruction

- Drop off time is 9:50-10 a.m. before the meeting. Please pick up your children promptly by noon to be courteous of the MOPPETS staff

THURSDAY MEETING REMINDERS:

1. The RED table will bring food/drinks

2. Spring Semester Dues will be collected ($50 with childcare; $30 without childcare). Checks are payable to "Marvin MOPS"

3. Please bring any items for our 2013 service project to support teenage girls that are represented by CASA. Items such as cosmetic samples, scented soaps, lotions, etc.

4. Start planning your TABLE NIGHT OUT... get to know the mom/mentor sitting next to you in a fun and relaxed setting. This is your time to make the most of the connections you have made!

UPCOMING MOPS EVENTS:

- TOMORROW! January 22nd 10-12, MOPS Playdate at the Discovery Science Center

 

- MOPS Semester Kick Off Night Out on Tuesday, January 29th at 7 p.m. JOIN US at Zaza's Modern Italian Cuisine located behind FRESH on Old Jacksonville Highway. EVITE Invitations are forthcoming. This will be a FUN night of reconnecting with friends, meeting new moms, and catching up with the mentors!

 

I hope to see you all on Thursday!

Have a wonderful and blessed week,

Debra Bochow

Discussion Group Coordinator

Our FIRST Marvin MOPS Meeting of 2013

Welcome Back Moms!

To our returning and new moms, I hope your holidays were wonderful, and that your new year is off to a productive start! Our steering team and coordinators are super excited about welcoming everyone back to MOPS this THURSDAY, JANUARY 17th at 10 a.m. We will meet in the same room as last year, the second floor FAITH classroom, room 248.

Our Coordinators, Sarah Burkett and Sherry Trump, are currently working on our NEW table assignments for the spring semester. We will be sitting at DIFFERENT tables, and have a new Table Leader and Mentor. Your new Table Leader will contact you in the next few days to introduce herself and to let you know which color table you will be sitting. For this upcoming meeting, we will meet (hello), greet (welcome), eat (yum), experience Judy Carter's devotional that speaks to each of our hearts (powerful) and have intentional table time to get to know our new table friends and mentors.

If you will be using childcare, also know as our MOPPETS program, you may bring your children to the childcare rooms which are located on the first floor. There will be a sign to direct you. If your children are not coming, and you are signed up for childcare, it is important that you contact Stephanie Lamb, our MOPPETS Coordinator, to let her know: steph.lamb@sbcglobal.net, or 903-363-7447. This affects how many volunteers/workers/rooms we need.

Some additional important reminders about our MOPPETS program:

- Please LABEL ALL of your child's belongings (sippy cups, pacifiers, etc.)

- Please DO NOT bring your child if he./she shows ANY signs of illness. Please refer to the "MOPPETS Guidelines" for further instruction

- Drop off time is 9:50-10 a.m. before the meeting. Please pick up your children promptly by noon to be courteous of the MOPPETS staff

 

THURSDAY MEETING REMINDERS:

1. The Steering Committee will bring food/drinks

2. PLEASE PARK ACROSS the street from the church as there will be a senior adults lunch program on Thursday and the parking lot closest to the church will be closed/reserved.

3. Please bring any items for our 2013 service project to support teenage girls that are represented by CASA. Items such as cosmetic samples, scented soaps, lotions, etc.

UPCOMING MOPS EVENT:

- MOPS Semester Kick Off Night Out on Tuesday, January 29th at 7 p.m. JOIN US at Zaza's Modern Italian Cuisine located behind FRESH on Old Jacksonville Highway. EVITE Invitations are forthcoming. This will be a FUN night of reconnecting with friends, meeting new moms, and catching up with the mentors!

Lastly, the new year brings new tables, friends and experiences to share. Now that you have at least a semester under your belt, I hope you have each begun to realize the special and meaningful relationships you can develop in this group. Continue making those connections this semester with your new table mates, table leader and mentor!

I hope to see you all on Thursday!

Have a wonderful and blessed week,

Debra Bochow

Discussion Group Coordinator